In Java verbs (functions) are not allowed to exist without nouns (classes and objects). Rant.

Notable:

"Verbs in Javaland are responsible for all the work, but as they are held in contempt by all, no Verb is ever permitted to wander about freely. If a Verb is to be seen in public at all, it must be escorted at all times by a Noun."

"The Verb "execute", and its synonymous cousins "run", "start", "go", "justDoIt", "makeItSo", and the like, can perform the work of any other Verb by replacing it with an appropriate Executioner and a call to execute(). Need to wait? Waiter.execute(). Brush your teeth? ToothBrusher(myTeeth).go(). Take out the garbage? TrashDisposalPlanExecutor.doIt(). No Verb is safe; all can be replaced by a Noun on the run."

"To be quite honest, most Javalanders are blissfully unaware of the existence of the other side of the world. Can you imagine their culture shock? They would find it so disorienting that they might have to invent some new nouns (such as "Xenophobia") to express their new feelings."

Similar post by Joel - on why functional programming becomes important for systems that need to be parallelized.